Unpacking the Armor: When Childhood Trauma and First Responder Trauma Recovery Collide

Unpacking the Armor: When Childhood Trauma and First Responder Trauma Recovery Collide

by Cinnamon Reiheld, Trauma Therapist & Host of After the Tones Drop

Here’s a truth most departments won’t touch:
Your trauma didn’t start on the job.
It started long before you put on the uniform. And it didn’t magically resolve just because you learned how to lead, rescue, and compartmentalize.

In Episode 113 of After the Tones Drop, I sat down with Cindy “Ci” Rodriquez, a retired lieutenant from the Las Vegas Sex Crimes Bureau, a peer support advocate, and a trauma recovery coach. What she shared wasn’t just honest—it was essential. We didn’t talk tactics or command decisions. We talked childhood trauma, emotional armor, and what it really takes to recover when the job ends and the wounds finally surface.

This episode cracked open a deeper conversation I’ve had with dozens of first responders in therapy:
For many first responders, trauma didn’t start on the job. It started long before the badge And that history shapes how you serve, lead, burn out, and—if you’re willing—heal.

The First Responder Mask is Often Built in Childhood

When Ci took the ACEs test (Adverse Childhood Experiences), she wasn’t prepared for how deeply it would hit. Like so many first responders I work with, her trauma didn’t begin in the back of a patrol car or on the scene of a homicide. It began in her earliest years—in her home, in silence, in survival.

She didn’t become a leader in law enforcement in spite of that trauma.
She became one because of it.

We talk a lot in the field about performance under pressure. But what happens when the performance was how you coped before you ever carried a badge? Ci’s story lays it bare: the mask of command often forms long before the rank is earned.

Emotional Armor Works—Until It Doesn’t

Let’s be honest: the armor saves lives.
It lets you hold the line. Walk into danger. Push down pain. Until the job is done.

But emotional armor is a short-term tool—not a long-term strategy.
And what protects you in a crisis can destroy you in your quiet moments.

Ci’s turning point didn’t come during a case. It came after retirement—when the uniform was gone, but the tension, fear, and emotional exhaustion stayed. She realized her nervous system had been stuck in survival mode for decades. And she wasn’t alone.

As a therapist, I see this all the time. First responders retire, expecting rest... but instead, they unravel. Why? Because the trauma was never processed. It was simply paused.

Recovery Isn’t a Retreat—It’s a Redirection

Ci didn’t just walk away from the job. She turned toward herself.
Now, as a Mastery Coach, she teaches what leadership schools never did: how to rebuild self-trust, rewire emotional patterns, and finally feel what was buried under years of duty.

Her version of recovery? It’s not passive. It’s slow, intentional living—where rest is strategic, and vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s operational readiness for the next season of life.

And if you’re reading this thinking, “I’m not there yet,” that’s okay. You don’t need to retire to start recovering. You just need to stop pretending trauma only counts when it happens on shift.

🔚 One Small Step: Start with Self-Honesty

If you’ve never taken the ACEs test, start there. No judgment. Just curiosity.
Ask yourself: What am I still carrying that I was trained to ignore?

Then do something brave: talk about it. With a therapist. With a peer. With yourself.
Because first responder trauma recovery doesn’t begin with paperwork or retirement.
It begins when you stop surviving and start telling the truth.

🎧 Listen to Episode 113: "Unpacking the Armor" with Cindy Rodriquez
▶ 

Want coaching support from Ci? Reach out directly at ciofheroes@gmail.com
Ready for trauma-informed therapy? Let’s talk. Contact me at https://whole-house.com/therapy

You’re not broken. You’re not weak.
You’re just overdue for real recovery.