A Fresh Slate: Embracing New Beginnings with Intention and Grace

EP88: A Fresh Slate

Teaser:

Erin: : is 2025. Let'sscan through 2024 and what worked and what didn't work and how would I like things to be different? 

Cinnamon: I looked up resolution, a firm decision to do or not do something, which, that is a setup. all a decision is, is a decision has nothing to do with action. Your life isn't just going to change because you want it to You have to create that. 

Erin: People get to start taking accountability for their own lives; challenges may change, but we're always going to have challenges.

Cinnamon: it's our responsibility to do the work to overcome the impact trauma can have

Erin: Just relentless responsibility, right?

Intro:

Erin: You're listening to after the tones drop. The mental health podcast for first responders.

Cinnamon: We're your hosts. I'm Cinnamon, a first responder trauma therapist. 

Erin: And I'm Erin. A first responder integration coach.

Cinnamon: Our show brings you stories from real first responders, the tools they've learned, and the lives they now get to live.

Erin: [00:00:00] Welcome back to After the Tones Drop.

Cinnamon: what dropped?

Erin: After the Tones Drop. It's 

Cinnamon: Is it now 2025?

Erin: is 2025.it's wild. I was just talking about graduating in 1999. And, That was a long ass time ago. so

Cinnamon: and I never would have hung out with you. In fact, I probably could have legally babysat you because I graduated in the 94 and that, I mean, that's a substantial difference. Like you would have been an annoying little kid.

Erin: but, let's be honest, you still babysit me at times.

Cinnamon: Yeah, but I think that's what we call mutual aid. Right? Like, and vice versa. It's, it depends on, I love when we tell people, like, both of us cannot be on Breakdown at the same time. One of us has to be in charge of pulling the other one out of the, proverbial gutter. But 

Erin: [00:01:00] Yep. That's called friends

Cinnamon: that's friends. And what more do you want than phenomenal friends, a job you love, and, and, and Amazing people that you get to work with and talk to every day. And that is basically our life on ATTD

Erin: a nutshell. This is, this is me in a nutshell. I know we, we were just talking about, movie quotes and how most people that we, serve as far as clients go, have no idea what we're talking about because we are suddenly old. And so when we make comments like this is me in a nutshell, like Austin Powers, 

Cinnamon: obsolete.

Erin: People don't know, so it's no longer funny what it is to us.

Cinnamon: I mean, and sometimes like the tippy top leadership, it'll be like the most Senior folks in a department that raise their hands and be like, I get it. And that doesn't make you feel any

Erin: And that doesn't help.

Cinnamon: That does that. Actually, it's [00:02:00] counter effective.

Erin: and we're just going to embrace it and, and I'm not going to spill the beans yet and ruin the surprise about what my intention of the year is, 

Cinnamon: Yeah, don't. 

Erin: I'm not going to, but it may or may not have something to do with what you just spoke about. But today we are going to focus on the new year.

Look at. Okay. Let's kind of like scan through 2024 and figure out, well, what worked and what didn't work and how would I like things to be different? And, um, also. this concept of New Year's resolutions are great. I love that idea. It's a great theory. And also, in my opinion, this is an opinion, often sets us up to lose and just beat the crap out of ourselves.

Cinnamon: It feels very shame based, right? Like it. Yeah, it's. Yeah. The how many times do you hear about like the gym gets full in [00:03:00] January? And by April, the regulars go back because all of the new year's resolution, people have faded out. And I think that that happens with a lot of, goals that folks set. And It's about reframing that so we have this book that Erin and I have both read and it's called, change or die and man reading the science behind humans making daily behavioral changes is very depressing.we are not overly successful at it. And in fact, the odds are not in our favor. And so when you want to make changes, that is such good information to have because your life isn't just going to change because you want it to.

You have to, to create that. And it's, it's kind of like, when we started practicing meditation, it was like, okay, [00:04:00] these days are easy. And then all of a sudden you're like, well, I didn't have time today. Well, you had time, you just didn't allot it for meditating, right? So it's, not necessarily going to just open up for you, your life is still going to look like your life.

So you have to be intentional and, and create it. So I, I don't love the concept of resolutions. I don't even really know what that means. Like I resolve to do this thing and yeah, it just feels like a setup, like you said, for failure.

Erin: Yeah. And, I will say, Cinnamon and I get together in January, every January, and we do something that is coined the 90 day game plan. Well, it's, but it's more like a, the beginning of the long game. and we break down, like, okay, what worked last year, what didn't work. what kind of,income to the practice bring in, where's our opportunity to [00:05:00] grow?

What would we like to really focus on this year? And we basically categorize it and number it and decide what seems like the most reasonable, the most lucrative and the most, you know,um, game change, meaningful, right? Game changing for all involved, including you all. and so I will say the past two years which we are full of brilliant ideas, of course, but for the most part, we've hit those goals.

Now, it might've looked a little bit different because opportunities came, but there is something about sitting down. Especially with somebody else, putting your brains together, giving yourself permission to dream a little bit without being attached to, Oh yeah, well, how's that going to make it happen?

for example, I would love to have like the booty from the, uh, 30 day wall Pilates challenge in just three days. But that's not going to happen. So I know that I probably won't be that successful in something like that, but what can I do in [00:06:00] lieu of that, that I can feel proud of myself, it still creates results, and, it's encouraging for me to continue to, to move forward.

Cinnamon: Well, and as you were talking, I looked over At my other screen and I have two post it notes and one was the top five ideas from last year's game planning day and then Another post it that says the big things and so the big things is a list of things we want to be a part of and the top five list is ideas that we've had whether it's about doubling down on something that we're already doing or shifting into something new or an expansion and to some degree they've kind of like Blended in.

But the reality is, I've, I have them right there. for me to remember, those [00:07:00] bigger goals. even if we're not there, or maybe to somebody else that doesn't look like we're working towards those, I know and I can say, okay, is what I'm doing right this minute sitting at my desk, at my workstation in my office?

Is it getting us to those things?

Erin: And is it?

Cinnamon: It is. It is. And, and so it's nice to have those things right there as a reminder, because if I, I like to say if I, if I can't see it, I don't own it. Which is why my husband was talking to me last week about having four glue guns.because if I don't see it, I don't own it.

Like I don't have a glue gun. I need to go get another glue gun. And he was like, Cinnamon, it's in the bottom drawer where all of your crafts are in the garage.

Erin: Well, you're like, well, I didn't put it there.

Cinnamon: Well, I did, but that is beside the point. I forgot. I put it [00:08:00] there, like, I like to have appliances on the counter because that's, How I know that I own them and that I will use them where my husband prefers a minimalist counter and he wants to put everything away. But my brain works as if, if I don't see it, I don't own it.

And I think that can apply to goals. I mean, I looked up resolution, so I knew what I was talking about. a firm decision to do or not do something, which, yeah, that is a setup. Like, all a decision is, is a decision that

has nothing to do with action.

Erin: Three frogs on a log and one of them decided to jump off. How many frogs are still on the log?

Cinnamon: Three.

Erin: Right.

Cinnamon: Yeah. So I can make a resolution to, lose weight or whatever and never do anything about that. Did I keep my resolution? I [00:09:00] did. I did not change my decision. And the scale stays the same, right? I mean, that's a workaround if I ever saw one. 

Erin: That was,

Cinnamon: so when we set our intentions at the beginning of the year, it's this is what I intend to do.

And this is the way that I get there. And it, feels more gentle like you can still get there, but it's not this Like a diehard absolute thing where if I ate a cupcake one day, I'm a failure.

Erin: yeah, so yeah, this is a time to be rigorously honest about your past year and, really reflect, you know, maybe take down some notes, have a good idea And this is not about beating yourself up either. This is about, man, what do I wish would have gone differently or how could I do this differently next time?

And what did I say? I was going to, create last year, do last year. What goals did I have last year that I [00:10:00] didn't do and what was in my way? What stood in my way from actually creating that result for myself? I think that it's important that because we focus on mental health,there's something to be said for giving yourself that that cookie,get that gold star, there's something about giving yourself that gold star. 

how do we get gold stars? Well, we. Do things that we feel like we can be proud of. We kept our word to ourself. And often when we do that, we get the result of how good that feels. And we want to do those things more. So it's very challenging to have goals and actually accomplish the goals when we don't know where we've been and where we're coming from to see.

What does and doesn't work. 

Cinnamon: I'm listening to you and what popped in my head was the lesson that I learned a long time ago, the way to build self esteem. Is by doing esteemable acts. [00:11:00] And the place that I've been taught to start is with myself. How do I keep my word to myself? And.we were talking about putting this episode together and I had said, ever since I've moved here, I have been saying, I want to take a Tai Chi class and I haven't done it.

And I mean, I have, I've put them in my calendar, I've, signed up for them. I've looked them up in either my township or the local community college. Like I have done everything but go. What happens for me is I'm, not just looking at the fact that I haven't followed through in years of wanting this one same thing But it's part of a bigger problem for me, too which is I'm an admitted workaholic and I I don't make [00:12:00] time for a significant personal life or You know self care and part of the problem is I really like my job, but there's a cost to that You And, burnout is real for even the people that love their job.

 And so it's not just that I didn't keep this one resolution or, that I failed this one time, it's bigger problem. That I have a hard time prioritizing myself and I can preach about how important it is. But until I take that step and do that thing, I'm in that same rut. So that kind of leads us into talking about setting our intentions.

For 2025 versus maybe making some resolutions that seem to have sharper edges to it

Erin: So what do you think the difference is between intention and resolution? I mean, [00:13:00] I know we touched on resolution is a decision.

Cinnamon: is the decision. And I think intention for me is the bigger picture, right? It's not necessarily my decision to, go to the gym. Like this is the year that I'm going to go to the gym. It's more of like, my intention is to be more mindful. About how I spend my time while honoring who I am and what works for me while also knowing that there's always personal growth to be there, right?

So my intention is to do better and creating time for myself where I don't have my work list right here.even the other day it was, I think it was Christmas Eve and I had already committed to not working and I had a couple phone conversations with friends and it felt so good. I was like, Oh my God, I don't know the last time I wasn't in my head with the list of things that I needed to [00:14:00] do, checking them off where I could actually just enjoy a conversation.

Erin: Yeah.

Cinnamon: my 

intention is is to take care of myself in, in meaningful ways and allow myself to have more of a personal social life that is restorative for me. And there's a lot of things that I can do. under that. And that also means if there are some things I don't do that I didn't fail.

Erin: Yeah. and there's always an opportunity to, renegotiate as well. And I think that, That's something I do want to touch on is, is this idea of setting an intention, and then maybe things don't pan out the way you anticipate, maybe something comes up, maybe you get, you know, an overtime shift or whatever, but it doesn't mean well guess that's not going to happen.

It means you have. site that the fact is you're, something's going to change, and that you decide, okay, when am I going to renegotiate this thing? Because it doesn't get [00:15:00] to just fall off the plate and the goals, but more so I still get to be my word to myself. And so I'm going to. Get a shift.

And also that's not like a backdoor to just not ever doing the thing. It's just something to be committed to keeping your word. And so maybe Cinnamon for you, it looks like Sunday morning, you're going to your Tai Chi class, there's no reason. And that is part of your day of rest and relax is doing that for yourself.

Cinnamon: and I think being able to say it out loud now I've got all of our listeners can hold me accountable about whether or not I signed up for and Followed through by attending the infamous Tai Chi class, right? Like accountability makes a huge difference When you've got somebody that's waiting on the other end of whatever the rope is that says Did you do it?

Because you said you were gonna do it. So [00:16:00] did you do it?

Erin: why not? what stopped you from doing it?

Cinnamon: We can't pretend like it didn't happen If we have somebody to answer to, and that is a two way street, accountability partners are a two way street because you can offer the same thing to the other person.

Erin: I know when Rob and I did 75 hard a while back when we did it together We were successful and we completed and he's tried a couple times since then or I've tried a couple times since then and it hasn't worked out in our favor because Well, one, there's a little bit of friendly competition, but also we're there to keep each other accountable, and that is helpful.

And, and so what if it is friendly competition, if it's helping you reach your goals and, and that, makes you go, go, go, makes you do the thing. So yeah, finding that accountability partner, having your goals written down like cinnamon did. On her post it note sitting there one year later, sharing with your friends and family, like what your goals are [00:17:00] and, and asking them to ask you about it, you know, just even those little things can be really supportive and reaching those goals.

But I think more than anything Is meeting yourself where you are in the sense of having some self compassion if things fall through, like be gentle with yourself, it doesn't mean you have to stop. It just means you might get to renegotiate and doesn't mean beat yourself up. Just means get back on the horse.

Cinnamon: and reflecting about, what happened in, 2024, I think the biggest lesson that I learned was the power of offering yourself grace, Like we are. professional beater uppers, right? Like we do it to ourselves. we stand by why we watch people that we love do it to themselves.

 And was so important, I think, in [00:18:00] 2024 for me to learn how to put down the baseball bat and quit hitting myself. and how much better, I felt and how much more I could get accomplished when I was offering myself grace because I've never been one of those people where like a coach could run me into the ground and I came back with I'll prove you wrong.

 no, I was like, you're right. I'm a piece of shit. I'm done. Right. So I've learned that about myself. I don't, Do good with the negative self-talk. so asking the people around me to, know that I'm offering myself grace and if they hear me doing otherwise, bring it to my attention.

So from that lesson that I learned. Last year, which my god, it was a hard lesson to learn and it took a lot of work So I find it really important to just roll in to 2025 having that right there, [00:19:00] so the word I'm choosing in terms of

Erin: Like your personal theme.

Cinnamon: my personal theme is grace Like, that, I, I did, I never had seen prior to last year huge difference that it can make by giving myself grace.

 you know, I would never be friends with somebody that talked to me. The way that I have been, guilty of talking to myself 

and it, doesn't propel me forward. It actually paralyzes me. So I get to talk to myself like I would want a friend to. Oh

absolutely. I think we all do, but there, see, that's an intention though. Like now that you've said it out loud, you've said it to everybody. my God. And it's it's getting distributed. There's no coming back from that.

Erin: nope.

Cinnamon: It's out there in the [00:20:00] world.

What about you? 

Erin: Well,

you know, 20, 2024 is it's been a whirlwind.it's been a lot of lessons of how much I drive myself into the ground.how much my. I've got this attitude has come into play how much the perfectionism has come into play now granted It's made a difference, it's made

a bit Right, right.

Cinnamon: So it's been helpful in a lot of ways, but it also has, driven me a little bit batty in a lot of ways. and I noticed that like, Oh, when I just let go of the reins a little bit, things don't just go into the shitter,And so of course my theme is what it often ends up being whenever I think about opportunity for me to grow and not surrender. Surprise! Which is the ever evolving way of being that comes in and out of my life. [00:21:00] And what do you mean? maybe some of us in a 12 step community might have more familiarity with what you mean when you say surrender. because surrender for you comes from a very powerful place. And for those who play war games, surrender is not the same thing that we mean when we say it. So, what do you mean when you say surrender?

Erin: well, part of it goes along with what you said with giving myself grace. But the other part of it is that it doesn't have to be hard to create value that I can go with the flow that I need. Don't have to have my thumb on all things at all times for it to be beautiful, lovely, wonderful. Like it's very much for me trusting of the process, trusting that as much as I want to believe that the world's going to fall apart if I don't have, my foot in it somehow one way or the other.

it's just not true and it causes me a lot of discomfort. [00:22:00] So it's really 

Cinnamon: It causes some of us discomfort too,

Erin: Or I'm sure.

Cinnamon: cause you only have two thumbs. And so you start using fingers and elbows and any joint. Yeah. And it's, it can be hard to, I think it is hard to watch when you see loved ones not being gentle with themselves because you don't want, somebody to feel that way.

Have

Erin: Yeah. So it's going to be, I think for me, a fine line of throwing my hands in the air and be like, Oh, I'm surrendering. And also, just not joining the resistance because like, sometimes I will jump on the resistance train and I will beat my head against the wall until I'm blue in the face because I don't. Want to, trust the process. Like, I don't want to relinquish that control. I think that last year, was much more smooth than the year before, as we were trying to navigate and figure everything out, we [00:23:00] had such incredible, beautiful opportunities. and I want to be able to embrace 2025 and the same way, but with a lot more presence, Like much more get to instead of feeling like I'm, yeah, instead of feeling like I'm plowing through 12 feet of snow, right? 

Cinnamon: Yeah, well, and don't you also think when we are in a constant state of overwhelm we Run the inevitable risk that we're going to get down to The fuck it's and then you don't have any care, right? So it's like by not finding that balance of Of being responsible yet also trusting the process, you're running the risk of doing the exact opposite thing of what you want, because we get to a place of that burnout where you're like, fuck this, I don't want to do [00:24:00] anything. and I don't think anything that we are saying here is unique to us. Like we are just as human as anyone else. and I think people get confused. By that they're like, oh, well They're this or they're that and i'm like, oh no We're fucked up too, right? Like we're we're figuring this out and last year was Brutiful, right?

Our friend glennon likes to use the word brutal. It was both beautiful and brutal And I think that's every year and in a lot of ways 24 Was extremely different than 20 And 23 was extremely different than 22. It's part of the growth is that you're going to get new challenges. It doesn't mean that you don't have challenges.

It just means that You're not repeating those same mistakes, which is why, by God, I've got to get to Tai 

Erin: By golly, by golly gee, we're [00:25:00] gonna make sure you do. 

Cinnamon: darn.

Erin: So I Really want to encourage you all to pick your theme of the year. What's your intention for the year? What's your theme of the year? Please share it with us like get on our social on every different You Avenue that we're on and, and share my theme is, such and such.

Cinnamon: we would love to hear from you and love to know, like, is there anything that we can do to support you? Maybe it's like coming up with an episode in, relationship to your theme, something, I don't know. Bring it to us. yeah. yeah. we are, not completely full of guests for 2025. If you feel like you learned something in 2024 that is creating a different 2025 for you, that would be valuable to your peers and colleagues, bring it, let us know what you got. I mean, all of this, the, the whole thing is about learning from each [00:26:00] other.

Erin: it is about learning from each other. listening to you, I actually remembered that we did have a listener reach out to us one day, and sent us a message. And so 

Cinnamon: You're going to tell us about it, aren't you?

Erin: I think it's important because I think that so much of, what we're talking about today is about, personal accountability. yeah, I have accountability, buddy, but we got to start changing the conversation People get to start taking accountability for their own lives, because like you just said, challenges may change, but we're always going to have challenges.

And if we don't start facing things head on and supporting ourselves, especially, then we're just going to continue to beat our heads against the wall. 

Cinnamon: I feel like we got introduced to this term this year, was it radical responsibility it was the idea of even the things that maybe the [00:27:00] average person could put at the feet of something or someone else that we were still taking ownership.

Maybe it's like extreme ownership. That might be what it is, but it's that idea of taking responsibility for every single thing that happens to you. And when we break down the word responsibility, it's respond. I am 100 percent responsible for how I respond to everything that happens to me. And I think that comes up a lot in trauma work.

When Many of us who have endured trauma. It's not something we did It's something that somebody else did to us or that we were exposed to and yet it's still our Responsibility to do the work to overcome Whatever lasting impact that trauma can have

Erin: Definitely. what you just said kind of folds into what [00:28:00] this person said. And so, shout out to our friend Jordan. I won't say your last name. I don't know if Jordan is a male or a female, but that doesn't matter anyway. and. This is in regards to our conversation several ago when we were talking about like, what else can we do?

 Like, I mean, and so I think that this is kind of important to highlight, starting our new year and, and question yourself, does this, person's message relate to you? does it sound like maybe something you're experiencing and where's our opportunity to jump into that personal responsibility?

Just relentless responsibility, right? and so Jordan said, when people say we should be doing more, I don't think they necessarily are saying that there aren't enough resources, but rather that they feel like they should have done more and they wish that they had done more. And that they feel like if they had done more, then that [00:29:00] person would still be here. I think it has more to do with people feeling guilty that they didn't realize someone around them was struggling and they wish they could have done more or they wish they did more. and thank you, Jordan, for commenting. For sending us that message because we always invite you all to do that and so it's real cool to hear from you all and I think that does go hand in hand with how many of us go to bed at night and say for our own lives Like, I didn't do the thing I said I was going to do today.

Can I do more? where do I get to hold myself responsible and accountable, and if I'm not doing it, am I actually getting something from this perceived guilt that it's creating in my life? maybe I'm getting something from that. 

Cinnamon: the payoff.

Erin: yep. What is the payoff? Exactly. Make this year about gold stars, not guilt.

Cinnamon: as much as it is essential, we give ourselves gold stars. I [00:30:00] also think that it is imperative that we are conscientious of gold stars to the people in our lives. And, I got a, a text message today and I it was funny because it was like a Merry Christmas,Happy New Year kind of thing.

And this person and I went back and forth a little bit, giving each other a gold star. And, it said, A million thank yous to you, Cinnamon. I'm grateful that you came into my life exactly when I needed you and for being on this pretty bad ass journey with me. It's hard to envision a life without you and all my family and community in it.

And thank goodness I don't have to. Looking forward to every day. Like that person did not need to take time out of their day to say that to me, and it's not about validation, Like we know our work has [00:31:00] meaning. It's about the idea that somebody is saying, you've made a difference for me. And I appreciate it. And I think a lot of times We wait until someone's funeral to talk about how much they meant to us.

Erin: Yeah.

Cinnamon: And we need to be giving people their eulogies every single day.

Erin: So that would be my challenge for you. And we've talked about this when we were on Ricardo Martinez, virtual conference for dispatchers, and we challenged the thousand people that were on there to reach out to even five dispatchers they know, and just to let them know that they're thinking about them.

 It can be something as small as that. And so if everyone that's listening today reaches out to, Even five people and just says, you know what, you've made a difference in my life. And here's how, and thank you for being a part of it. Not only does it create a wave and a ripple effect [00:32:00] of, positivity and gratitude and love, but it also makes us feel good internally, to be able to, to bring that to somebody and you just never know who might need to hear that.

So that would be our new year's challenge for you. 

Cinnamon: And with all of that, we are, relentlessly and ruthlessly heading into this year with gentility and with grace and surrendering, to the process and making sure that Everything that we do is, is loving and kind and, and holding each other accountable for that. I mean, I'm still expecting Erin to put me in my place and vice versa, right?

That's what we do when we care about each other, but that we do it knowing that. We have the opportunity to help somebody grow and do it from, a place of, kindness. And so for those of you who may be just now starting to listen to us, welcome to the shit [00:33:00] show. That, is. the good times that we have.

 And for those of you who have been with us for a while, thank you for putting another, year to bed with us and for starting on 2025 and on this next journey, of whatever we are up to and creating. And we couldn't be more grateful that all of you are along for the ride with us. 

And with that 

Erin: yes, happy new year, everybody. We love you it's going to be a wild and fun ride in 2025.

Cinnamon: giddy up.

Outro:

Erin: Thanks for tuning in to today's episode of after the tones drop. We've been bringing you some real mental health insights And we'd love to hear what you think. If you're enjoying this show, take a minute and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. And don't forget, share this podcast with someone who might benefit from it. A big, thank you to whole house counseling and Nova's home mortgage for sponsoring today's episode. 

And a special shout out to Rob Maccabee for writing and producing our shows. music just a quick reminder. After the tones drop is here for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical or psychological advice. If you're in need of help, please reach out to a mental health professional in your area. for more resources. Head over to after the tones drop.com and check out our resources tab. We really appreciate you being a part of this community. Thanks for listening and sharing.